I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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