I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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