if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
