I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
