i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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