hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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