Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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