last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
