there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
