my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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