standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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