There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
