sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
