i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
