Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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