in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
