I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
