i permit you to call me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
