Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
