She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
