OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's the barista slut.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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