Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
