WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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