Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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