Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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