new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
