i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
