I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
