Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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