I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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