I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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