Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
