it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
