You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
