so explain again why im purple
no
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
