I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
