I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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