Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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