A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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