wanna go halves on a baby?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
