Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
