Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
