me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize