This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
