dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't notice because vodka
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
