As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
