I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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