dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
