I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
