Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
