can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
