I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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