I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
