Well apparently he's into motor boating.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
