i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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