Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
