i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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