At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize