I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
