Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize