My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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