ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
