It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this will be a night to untag.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize