Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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