Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
