i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
