So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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