i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
