I hope mine doesn't look like that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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