I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
