PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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