We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
